today in Studio Dev Class we had a Critique many ideas were shared oppinions ect and it was good... Then it was my turn I talked about my work and why I do it yadda yaddaand the teacher threw these questions at me they were hard to answer even broke into a bit of a sweat rofl. I said I wanna reach new levels of skill and technique he questions "why?" i say for personal satisfaction it's not for others.. he says "maybe thats something ur telling urself". boy it was like 20 mins of death but upon that i had a mini-epiphany I thought when i make my "art" it is very pretentious and i need to break from that. He also suggested i should make "bad" art because I wanna make things look "good" personally I think I'm making bad art atm just choosing the best of the worst to show HAH. but what I also realized how hard it would be to create this "bad" art when u reach a new level you cant work back cause when i force myself to create something bad even during the process im like "wtf am i doing?" and u try to refine it to a lvl ur satisfied with then it becomes ur no longer trying to manke "bad work" and very famous artists spendlike 30 years of their life trying to break this and even yet they dont seem successful because what they try to do is learn to draw like a child children have no agenda to their work they just draw man they dont give a shit andas we get older and if we pursue this path of drawing we grow a self conscienceness in drawing but anyway I'm rambbing about that. what I want to say is that today was an eye opener for myself and my work if i trul want to create work taht satisfies myself perhaps creatign work that is a reflection of myself would be the most honest and non pretentious cause im no clean cut sharp edged person why should my work be like that. and he also asked my "why am i doing this course?" fuckkk that was a question that shook my like a mother fucker I love this course like a child don't get me wrong but it makes me think am I trying to become an artist or trying to get ppl to recognize my work that is the question.... Am I truly doing it for myself or amtrying to win public acception and appeal hmmm...

cant believe I wrote this lol only 4 ppl gonna read this haha or let's hope just 1